Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Hello blogging world; my views on girl/boy best friends

Welcome! I'm a new blogger and although I think I'll aim to cover quite a wide variety of things from friendships to makeup & beauty to fashion and product reviews, I thought I'd start this blog off with a topic very close to me this year.

Mixed gender best friends.

So throughout my childhood and teenage years I have had a barrage of best friends, all with a commonality of being female. This year, however, through circumstance, I happened across a close guy friend. This is not to say I've never had male friends before - I'm not that sheltered! But through the first few weeks of this friendship it was obvious that we were really hitting it off. 
I'm not entirely certain how or when this became underlined as being a best friend relationship, but many 3am phonecalls, hundreds of texts daily (well, it's best to take full advantage of unlimited texting) and having classes together, has lead to me being able to tell you that 9 months on we're pretty open about it being so! 
Now, immediately I'm sure some readers will be questioning the reality of this being just a friendship. I've heard it all, from "you're emotionally dating" to "you act like a couple" to "but you must surely be in love!". No! And I shall tell you why.

Firstly, I myself have read multiple blog posts on the topic, most referencing a film called "When Harry met Sally". The theme of this film is embodied in the line:
"Men and women can't be friends - the sex gets in the way."
 Intending to watch this film and instantly see its flawed misguidances, I rented it and sat down to take it in. And let me tell you... It is a really good film! Haha. However, love it though I do, I still disagree with the basic ideology. Men and women can be friends, even best friends, because not all inter-gender relationships have to be based around lust! Surely this can be seen from the rise of sexuality - bisexual and homosexual people. You would not automatically be convinced that your close homosexual friend secretly wants to get with you, and all your other friends, and this certainly would be unlikely to get in the way of your friendship with them; (And if this is an issue you are perhaps a bit homophobic). 
So why then do guys and girls who hang around eachother not have the same lifeline?! Why accuse them of emotionally dating?

Reflecting whilst reading others' blogs, I considered that perhaps were I married to a man with a female best friend, or had a partner in the same situation, my own jealousy and misgivings on the relationship might make me rethink my attitude. However, both me and my best mate are in our late teens, and as neither of us are in such a position, it doesn't really apply to us!

I think I should share some very good reasons for you to have a best friend of the opposite gender!
Firstly, from my side of things, guys are not bitchy. And they are almost never gossip-seekers. This my friends is a breath of fresh air when you life has been so far saturated with the crazed personalities of teenage girls (And yes, it does take one to know one..) This also means that he dampens my own wish to occasionally 'bitch', and so I think that's a positive all round :)
Next, stepping away from your girl friends makes you realise how much time you spend discussing all things makeup, hair and clothes related, and how really you should be obsessing over these a little less, and the other things in life a little more. When faced with a male best friend, your relationship is pretty much just each of you being you, with much less generic stuff in the middle. This makes your friendship a lot more of an achievement! As more of the 'real you' is available to your friend.
Thirdly, guys are much more inclined to come up with nicknames. And interesting ones at that! Though I have complained at each new and ...unique name I have been called this year, as another unwelcome one arises (The most recent being 'Filby') I realise my love of the previous one! Though my attempts to convince him to revert to them are, alas, in vain. This has let me see that deep down, I do enjoy them - nicknames are a clear show of affection.
Next, I have had endless fun showing him 'girl' things. Simple things like tights, and how these have an alien concept called 'deniers'; also makeup - upon taking him with me to Boots or Superdrug, my hands do come out with pretty much every tester featuring somewhere on them.
Next, you should know that a guy's perspective is very different to a girl's one. (And if you are male, then females think very differently to you too!) Females are very emotion-led, whilst guys tend to have a more rational approach to life. fact. Girls also tend to overthink everything! as I well know! So often a guy can give a clearer opinion!
Lastly, a selfish one. The sheer fact that many of our friends don't fully understand or accept that we can be best friends (because surely, surely we will be a couple at some point..) makes me feel like more of an achiever for having a guy best friend. Not everyone has one! But I would seriously recommend it!

Okay, that was a very long blog post, especially for a first ever one.. hmm. Well done if you got to the end!
What are your experiences with mixed-gender friendships? :)

rivasoave xx

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  1. I just found your blog and I think it is amazing.I am following you now,under name Lilie Marlen,but I don't use any photos so I will be last one on your follower list.I will be honored if you come visit my blog and follow it if you like it Have a nice day

    1. Hi Lucija! I am currently grinning at my laptop (this must look strange to my brother sitting opposite me..) because you are my first follower and left such a nice comment!
      Your blog looks my kind of thing! I shall follooow!


  2. Heya, I just found your blog and I'm always intrigued as to what bloggers first posts were! And yours really intrigued me! I totally agree that there is a kind of 'stigma' over boy-girl friendships! One of my best friends is a guy, he is now gay, so obviously nothing would ever 'develop' in our friendship...but when I met him he was very into girls, and we remained 'just' friends. So I feel almost like an 'achiever' too! :) haha

    Aimee Xx

    1. Hey Aimée! I'm replying to your comments in the wrong order, oops! haha, a year on and the stigma is still kind of there..! (grr!) aww, yeah you can be an achiever too! ;) It's funny thinking about the psychology behind things like this!

      Rachael Xxx


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